Burst My Bubble

To say that the last week has been less than spectacular emotionally would be an understatement. I was so prepared to hit a point of culture shock where I was unhappy and belligerent, but I wasn’t prepared to feel lost and displaced.

To keep a long story short, I moved out because a new teacher had come and we needed to have two apartments now. I had lived in the new apartment for about 3 days to discover that the awful smell wasn’t new paint, but mold. Tons of it. All over the walls and ceilings. The landlord had just painted over it.

But the Lord is good and is the Great Provider and He softened our landlord’s heart. We were let out of our contract with no penalty fees!

But that left a problem. There was one apartment with three beds and four people. So for the last week and a half, I have been sleeping on couch cushions that I have piled on the floor. I wasn’t angry about it, but it was frustrating because I didn’t sleep well and was having to teach a rambunctious (but incredibly fun and cute) class every day. On top of not having a place in the apartment, my family had rearranged at their house and my room was officially gone. I felt like I had no place in the world that was my own. I felt lonely and left behind and forgotten.

Then I got a little sick. Which is the life of a teacher and I expect nothing less.

Then some issues arose that were emotional for me and were handled in a way that I found really hurtful.

And then I sat on my balcony and sobbed. I felt spent because my love everyday was given to my kiddos and I had no way to refresh afterwards. I haven’t found a church yet, so I don’t know many people outside my co-workers. (Being an extrovert, it was starting to wear on me.) I finally decided to talk to some friends back in the States about how I was feeling. A wonderful, honest, and helpful friend of mine had the heart and guts to share harsh truth (in love) to me.

I asked her, “Why does this keep happening to me?”

She replied, “First off, you are exactly where God wants you to be. Second, Satan is pissed about it. Third, Satan will use anything to discourage and dissuade you. Fourth, Satan always uses [the things] that work every time to discourage you and negate all that is happening. That’s why it’s happening to you.”

And it’s like a light bulb went off. A very convicting light bulb.

Everything going on wasn’t that big of a deal. I am where I’m called. I didn’t sign up for easy. I didn’t sign up to have best friends and a great adventure. I signed up to serve with the talents He has given me.

I saw everything more clearly. I had trapped myself in a bubble. My job and the apartment. That’s really the only places I went. I was lonely because I was hiding and doing as I was told. I wasn’t being the person God has molded me into. I wasn’t being the woman that was called to touch lives that will reach cities.

I was a woman that was being defeated and emptied who was expecting someone else to come and fix it.

That bubble finally burst. I was overcome with a new sense of purpose and passion. My zeal started to bubble up inside of me. The excitement was back.

Since then, I feel physically better. I feel emotionally better. I feel spiritually better.

I’m ready. I’m called. I’m equipped.

Burst my bubble. Grow me. Use me.